Proper Fannish Research Accomplished
by Katta
Summary: Nemi's Yuletide assigment is Vampire Diaries, and she decides to plan the fic with Cyan, at the pub, in detail. Femslash.


"_Vampire Diaries_?" Nemi complained, the corners of her mouth working their way down towards her chin. "Any rare fandom in existance, and the best they can come up with is Vampire fucking Diaries?"

"You love _Vampire Diaries_," Cyan said, still reading her magazine. "Every week you call me up to recount all your favourite moments, whether I've seen the episode or not."

"You should always have seen the episode! It is quite criminal not to have seen the episode! As soon as those torrents are out there, you should go get them!"

"Some of us have lives, Nemi."

"Life without _V__ampire Diaries_ is no life at all."

"Okay then. We've established that you love _Vampire Diaries_. You have pictures of Damon Salvatore in places I don't even want to think about. What's the problem?"

"There's already _Vampire Diaries_ fic out there! All over the place! I offered to write for all these tiny, miniscule fandoms like _The Hunger_ and _Welcome to My Nightmare_ and _Dr. Tatiana's Sex Advice for All Creation_..."

At this, Cyan put a finger on her place in the magazine article and looked up. "Someone actually wished for _Dr. Tatiana_ fanfic?"

"Well, no," Nemi admitted. "Nobody wished for any of those things. But they should have! I could have written flatworm penis fencing! Or sea hares having sex in a conga line!"

"Oh, _God_!" Cyan said, shuddering in horror. "And this would be exactly why no one requests _Dr. Tatiana_ fanfic. I guess I should be glad you didn't put it on your own list of requests... You didn't, did you?"

"No," Nemi said sullenly.

"Good. At least there are limits to your... Tell me you didn't request Phantom Blot porn, either."

"He has _giant hands_."

"You're a pervert!"

"Well, maybe I am, but at least I'm interesting! Unlike Miss Boring Requester, who requests boring... huh."

"What?"

"Katherine/Caroline."

The magazine fell closed on Cyan's lap. "Huh."

Slowly, a smile spread over Nemi's face.

"Come on," she said, beaming, and tugged Cyan out of the sofa.

"Where are we going?"

"The pub! This story deserves a brilliant plot, and I get all my best ideas while drinking!"

"You mean like the idea of stealing all the balls from the Burger King ball pit?"

"Exactly! To the muse of beer!"

* * *

"So, the way I figure," Nemi said, leaning heavily against Cyan, "the whole thing actually starts when Katherine turns Caroline. After the killing."

"Isn't that necrophilia?"

"It's vampires. That goes without saying."

"Okay." Cyan finished her third beer, which was quite difficult with the full weight of Nemi on her right side. "Then what?"

"Then... Katherine takes advantage of her. And does unspeakable things to her. Which goes on later, throughout the blackmailing bits."

"Right, yeah. And Caroline's too scared to argue."

"Of course. Horrible... unspeakable... advantageousness."

"Nemi?"

"Yes?"

"Your hand is under my blouse."

Nemi tilted her head to the side, peering up at Cyan. "I'm Katherine. Do you want to be Katherine? I figured you were Caroline."

After a moment's thought, Cyan admitted, "You're probably better at the unspeakable stuff."

"You know I am. Katherine lunges at the poor, unsuspecting Caroline..." Nemi let action followed her words, and caught Cyan's face between her hands, giving her friend a deep kiss. She finished it by biting Cyan's lower lip, hard.

Cyan gave a small, half-protesting sound of pain.

"That's not very unspeakable, though, is it?" Nemi said and let go. "This is Katherine we're talking about, she should be doing something..."

A drop of blood was forming on Cyan's lip. She licked it off and said, "I want a... fuck, what's that word? Word, that's it. Safeword. I want a safeword."

"There are no safewords for vampires," Nemi said sternly.

"Nemi!"

"Okay, okay! How about... Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern-schplenden-schlitter..."

Cyan interrupted the tirade. "Or how about 'werewolf'?"

"Fine," Nemi scoffed, but mouthed 'boring' at the guy on the nearest barstool, who hurried to stare down into his drink.

"Anyway," she continued. "Katherine is very displeased with Caroline's lack of cooperation. She rips her chest open, her nails digging through meat and bone... uh..." Nemi fumbled open Cyan's top buttons and scratched lightly at the skin below. "And then she licks off the blood, the heart throbbing under... no, wait, vampire. Okay. She sucks at Caroline's unbeating heart."

Dark locks fell down into Cyan's extended cleavage as Nemi proceeded to lick the chest. Cyan snorted in laughter.

"Hey, ladies! Take it outside!"

Since Nemi seemed not to have heard, Cyan pushed her aside. "Nemi. Nemi, we need to... maybe we should just... _talk_ about the rest."

"Talking's boring."

"Yeah, it kind of is." With some struggle, Cyan managed to pull Nemi upright and close her own blouse somewhat. "We could take it to your place?"

Nemi thought about this. "My place is niiiice."

"Yeah. And I think..." Cyan arranged her arm around Nemi's waist so that neither one of them would fall. "I think Caroline should be more proactive."

"You do?"

"Of course I do! This is Caroline we're talking about. She may be blonde, but she's not some damsel in distress."

Nemi pondered that all the way out the door, across the street and halfway up the stairs. "She's been kind of awesome lately," she said at last.

"That's what I'm saying, she really has been!" Cyan took the last few steps and turned her back on the door, pulling Nemi closer. "She'd slap Katherine straight in the face!" Which Cyan did, very lightly. "And then... then she'd do this." She leaned in for a kiss.

"Predictable," Nemi mumbled, though she met the kiss.

"Hmpf." Cyan waited until she had her lips to herself again before asking, "What do you suggest, then?"

"They'd have hot, steaming sex. On the kitchen table."

"_Your_ kitchen table? No way. I'm not getting a tetanus shot over your Yuletide story."

"Spoilsport. Hot, steaming sex in bed, then."

"_Thank_ you."

* * *

The next morning, Nemi woke up with a very hazy memory of the night before, but in the certain knowledge that if she could ever recollect enough to get it down on paper, this Yuletide story would be her best one ever.

Cyan was lying face down next to her, one pigtail still in place but crooked, the other entirely loose, with strands of bright hair making patterns on her cheek.

Nemi nudged her, and when that didn't work, tugged gently at her pigtail. "Hey, Cyan. Are you awake? Cyan?"

Cyan groaned and turned her head, peering up at Nemi through eyes half-closed against the sun. "Do you know that feeling in the morning when you wake up and wonder what the fuck you were thinking last night?"

A tight knot formed in Nemi's stomach. "Yeah."

Cyan smiled. "I love it when that doesn't happen," she said and went back to sleep.


End file.
